I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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