bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
