Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sponge bath it is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
