Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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