Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
