Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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