Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize