We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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