He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
