I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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