so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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