my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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