I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
how does that bad decision feel?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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