I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
