There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
