so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
