she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize