Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
