Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
