hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
