Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
