Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize