why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
