So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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