Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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