I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
worst night to have a conscience
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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