Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
