I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
