you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
