He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
