were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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