so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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