the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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