Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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