Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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