Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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