K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
