Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
