talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
