they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
