He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
