Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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