Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
