Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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