I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
