Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
