when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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