I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
