I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
