To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
