i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize