her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do vagina's smell?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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