Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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