You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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