so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
birth control should be required to get into college
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize