everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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