I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How does one acquire holy water?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
