Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
