Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
