just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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