I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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