Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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