Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
