You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize