At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
