Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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