I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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