She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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