Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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